i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
