I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
