I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dicks are not precious.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
