i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
