i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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