I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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