I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
