two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
