dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
