I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Blood and glitter go together right?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
