All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
