It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
