If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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