Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
