they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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