Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
