I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
