So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
