I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
