theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
