Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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