Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
