i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
