I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize