Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
