im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
