so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
