I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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