Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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