i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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