My first STD was from a foam party
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
