No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
