just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
