I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
