I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
