I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
