i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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