Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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