His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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