at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
