Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
