It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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