would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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