pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
