Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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