everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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