My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
