ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
