i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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