The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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