Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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