I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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