he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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